lördag, mars 15, 2008


I've got Post Traumatic Spitzer Disorder.

I think I'm coming out of it, but I'll never vote again. Ever. I've already informed the kids that it's now up to them to carry on with silly notions of a vote having a voice. The only thing that has sustained me over the past seven years is that there was a man in government who did what the entire SEC couldn't/didn't/wouldn't do, and his presence told me that even in the Land of Bush, all was not lost. The Ring had not fallen into the wrong hands yet.

And then, "Doh!" A really, really big I am such a naive stupid-head, "Doh!"

My football team is the Buffalo Bills and my governor is/was Eliot Spitzer. I should just go out somewhere and find the I'm a Loser Bridge to jump from. Oh, yeah, I can't because it hasn't been built yet. In this city we actually have bumper stickers that read, "Build the Damn Bridge" because for the past decade or so no one has been able to decide which design is prettiest, cheapest, least offensive, most full of graft and pork barrel, or easiest for hiding those pesky illegal Canadians. Meanwhile all the job-bringing commercial traffic is finding other, far away ways to enter the country.

It's amazing my heart continues to pump at all.

I spent Monday through Friday shuffling paper from desk to desk, unable to complete a thought, giggling like the man who sets up camp behind the concrete sidewalk barriers by the nearby movie theater. I've been coming to work in slippers. I eat food off of everyone else's plate. I am depressed, I think they call it.

Today's mental image is the result of my new Mommy 'n Me Pole Dance business concept, and the sister company, Pimps We B'. For women, run by women, like Avon only the customers are men, people with real money. I can see it now, Mom and the six year old daughter finishing up dinner, getting all tramped up and into the minivan. "Where you goin' hon? A Halloween party?" asks the husband.

"No. It's career night. Michelle's gonna be a star and I'm going to be her manager! Or maybe a mother-daugher act. We're not sure yet, but we are sooo excited. Don't wait up."

Nope. I'm not coming out of it at all. Build the damn bridge.