Pavlov's Pizza

"What idiot invented the chicken finger pizza?" is all I want to know.

It's a white pizza, topped with Buffalo fried chicken pieces, a sprinkling of blue cheese dressing, and a handful of crunched celery. It successfully marries two distinct taste experiences around here (i.e. unnecessarily doughy pizza and never quite reproduced accurately anywhere else chicken wings). It's like loving jelly sandwiches and loving peanut butter sandwiches and then one day, the big, loud kid sitting next to you on those elementary school table seats that are locked into place, says, "Hey, Einstein, you can eat 'em together you know." Yet as quick as I am to poke fun at the double-wide State Fair folk, when this pizza is in the house, I salivate, an accident of geography.

"Oh, no," I said, when I got home late from the office and saw such a demon on the living room coffee table.

"Why? Is the pizza fattening?" asked Junior Miss College.

Just the fatty parts.